Hurry Up With That Virgin!

Okay, I'm skeptical about global warming.

Best I can tell from what I've read, people are responsible for producing about 2.5 percent (.025) of the so-called greenhouse gases going into the atmosphere.

Also best I can tell, the earth's temperature (how the heck do you even measure such a thing?) has risen 0.6 degrees Celsius since about 1880. That would be about less than 1 degree Fahrenheit--- if I remember my conversions correctly, and I don't feel like looking it up.

Also it appears that most of that warming took place prior to 1950 --- long before George W. Bush became president. (That doesn't account for Dick Cheney who is the devil and everyone knows Satan is really, really old.)

That means people (and Dick Cheney) are responsible for the earth heating up by a sizzling 0.025 degrees Fahrenheit in 127 years.

The global warming folks must be used to much more finely attuned thermostats than me, because they sure get very worked up about the whole thing. So much so that they propose wrecking our economy, changing our whole way of life and "getting right with nature."

Get "right with nature?" Fine, I don't like making old Indians cry, and "waste not want not" as the saying goes. But it's that sacrificing the economy and turning our backs on technological and industrial development that bothers me. (I like air conditioning, and iPods and living beyond the age of 40.) Besides, there's a darn good chance global warming (and cooling) is normal. (Remember the Ice Age? Oh wait, forgot, Cheney=devil.)

It reminds me of island natives, as stereotyped in old movies, sacrificing a virgin to a volcano to keep it from erupting. And if any rational person tries to stop them, they want to kill him too. Environmentalism is a take-no-prisoners kind of religion.

Think about it. The vast majority of Bible-thumping, Christian fundamentalists reacted a lot less strongly to a picture of the Madonna made out of elephant dung or a crucifix dunked in urine than the way the Earth First folks respond to anyone not towing the global warming line. The Christians simply don't want their tax dollars spent on sacrilegious displays. The Earth Firsters push for real censorship (here's an interesting article, Up against the Global Warming Zealots) and we have Robert Kennedy Jr. wanting the skeptics convicted of treason.

Since we’re talking about “theories,” I have one of my own. I think the real thinkers behind the global warming movement know there are reasons to be skeptical. It’s about seizing power. Just like the wise old witch doctor who knows the volcano rumbles every few years without going off, they know that the Earth isn’t really going to be destroyed if we don’t give up our sinful (Western) ways.

It’s all a big Voodoo show to keep the natives scared and in the thrall of charlatans. Throw in the girl, the volcano goes quiet, and the medicine man gets to stay topknot on the totem pole.

But if the villagers don’t hurry up and sacrifice the virgin before the volcano goes quiet, then the witch doctor is up the creek without a paddle and folks are likely to find a new medicine man.

The shamen pushing global warming know they have a limited amount of time to remake the world to their liking before we realize it’s all a big hoax. And that’s why they are so adamant we do something NOW!