It would be in your best interest …

Have you ever received an unsolicited suggestion as to what choice you should make? Doesn’t it sort of tick you off — even if you know they’re probably right?

Let’s say you’re a bit on the heavy side and you’re in a cafeteria line eyeing the Boston crème pie versus the peach cobbler.

Now imagine a total stranger (just for the heck of let’s say it’s a tall, lean, handsome, impeccably dressed African-American man) who says, “If you must eat dessert, you should have the sugar-free Jell-O.”

Any two-word responses come to mind?

We expect guidance from friends and family, whether it’s requested or not. They are emotionally invested in our welfare, so they get to exercise a “shareholder’s” two-cent option. Plus, they often know a good bit about us and our situation. The people who are dear to us — and we to them — also know something about our values and interests. They might know, as in our hypothetical situation that you’ve been on strict diet for six months and today, and today only, you planned to celebrate the milestone loss of 30 pounds by having dessert.

But regardless of your reason for wanting to eat something you “probably shouldn’t,” one thing you can be most positive about is that the busybody in line with you is probably more interested in trying to run your life than in keeping you “heart healthy.”

Oh sure, he may truly believe the world would be a better place if everyone would just shut up and do as he says. But remember, it will still be his vision of utopia, not yours. Maybe you think fat and died-happy at 70 beats 93 years old and drinking wheat grass juice, but any time you go against his grain, you upset the applecart of his ambition which is to make the rules.

Now as annoying as that stranger would be, imagine if he was in charge of the whole federal government and all the police powers that go with the job.

Now I’m not suggesting that you’ll be arrested for eating Boston crème pie if Barack Obama becomes president. (He may tax it, but that’s really not the point.) But what I am saying is that he doesn’t know a huge portion of this nation’s population and doesn’t understand the values of these people. Instead he “reasons" that they clutch their Bibles in one hand and their guns in another because they’re ignorant rubes who lack his omniscient erudition.

In Obama’s mind, we do not share his worldview because we are wretched, oppressed and misled. It is so clear to Him that we need His guiding light to lead us to the Promised Land.

He becomes disappointed when we don’t “get it.” You see, He is all wise and all benevolent. The “O” (be sure to say it with the appropriate touch of awe) knows what’s best for everyone. Once we submit in unity to His wisdom, Paradise will come to our land. We will finally, and at last without bitterness, beat our guns into plowshares, cast off the bonds of religiosity and welcome our “undocumented worker” friends without rancor or remorse.

Oh, who knows? The “O” may actually be wisest leader since Solomon, so go along if you want. As for me, I’m eating my pie.

Bringing in the Sheaves

Last night, Night of the Hunter appeared again on TCM. I watched it through the first hour before switching channels. I’ve seen it many times and own the DVD, so it wasn’t like I was missing out on a golden opportunity to see the film to its conclusion.

Robert Mitchum plays a murderous sociopath on the trail of stolen money. Masquerading as a preacher, he marries the widow of the robber, assuming correctly, that the woman’s children (a boy and a girl) know where the money was hidden.

After killing his new wife (leading to perhaps the most haunting image ever set in celluloid), “Preacher” comes after the children. But they escape by taking a boat down a river. Eventually they are given refuge by a loving but stern old woman, Mrs. Cooper (played by Lillian Gish), who makes it her business to offer sanctuary and guidance to lost orphans. And that’s “lost” in the spiritual sense as well.

The 1955 movie is often categorized as film noir and was produced in black and white, but there is no gray area to the characters: Good is good. Evil is evil. Innocence is innocence. Foolish is foolish … and foolish people are in abundance.

I can understand why it was essentially a box office bomb at the time of its release. This is an allegorical tale and the message is never diluted by nuance. It must have been difficult for Mitchum to play “evil” and absolutely nothing else. Students of film probably recognize certain stylistic elements, but I just call it “weird.”

I love the movie though, and I find the climatic showdown between Preacher and the Mrs. Cooper to be perfectly satisfying. Despite his treachery and viciousness, it’s made clear that he can’t stand up to her in a one-on-one match-up. That’s why Evil always goes after the weak.

There is one scene that struck me as odd the first time I saw it, however. Preacher is laying siege to the old woman’s home as she waits, on guard, inside. He begins singing, “Bringing in the Sheaves.” Mrs. Cooper sings along.

At first glance, this might suggest the duality of Good and Evil, or perhaps they’re kindred souls who took different paths. But I don’t think so. Coming from Preacher, the spiritual is blasphemy. And rather than recoiling in disgust, Mrs. Cooper meets the challenge and reclaims the song by singing it as well.

Through the centuries, atrocities have been committed while in the trappings of religion. This has led many decent people to turn away, and never sing “the song” again. Mrs. Cooper wouldn’t do that. She never gave an inch and rather than losing her faith to an ultimately wretched creature, she stood firm and crushed him.

And more …

Pay Me Instead

Let me make one thing clear: I think anthropogenic global warming (AGW) is pure hogwash.

On the other hand, any effort that cuts our dependence on foreign oil would be a very, very good thing indeed. Imagine a world where the sand that covers Saudi Arabia is worth more than the thick black liquid beneath. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

This leads me to the issue of carbon credits and so-called "cap and trade" — a bad idea whose time may have come. You may be somewhat familiar with this if you’ve heard how our climate-alarmist-in-chief Al Gore or AGW sycophant Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger pay for carbon credits to off-set the fact that they can’t bring themselves to live with the kind of energy restrictions they demand of everyone else. From what I understand, it’s currently a self-imposed duty that funds the planting of trees somewhere.

Some well-meaning but misguided people (the most dangerous folks in the world) as well as some plain old socialists (who changed colors from red to green), would like governments to make these cap-and-trade schemes mandatory. Governments or people would see a limit on how much they should use. If you use more than your allotted share, you pay a tax. With the plans I’ve heard about, this would mostly result in rich nations sending money to Third World nations where it would undoubtedly line the pockets of thuggish dictators and their kleptocracies.

But instead of planting trees in Brazil (under the voluntary plan) or filling the Swiss bank account of who ever is in charge of plunder and murder in some African country (that would be a UN plan backed by international law), we (in the U.S.) could transfer the payments to individuals in our own country.

Schwarzenegger, who takes a private jet from Los Angeles to Sacramento to fulfill his duties as the Governator, could send his payments to me. My “carbon footprint” certainly can’t be very big. I live in a tiny apartment (the whole thing is probably smaller than one of Al Gore’s walk-in closets) and work from home. When I do drive (on average less than 600 miles a month) my car gets a very fuel-efficient 33 mpg.

Afraid I’d just use my additional income to move into a bigger home and take fabulous trips? What if we put the money into tax-free retirement accounts? After all, the Ponzi scheme that is our Social Security System is bound to break down — probably sooner rather than later. It’s not like the ivory-tower liberals who love the idea of a carbon tax are going to be eating dog food in their old age, but they could help those of us who most likely do have Alpo in our future.

I Hate Daylight Savings Time

The clocks moved forward an hour this weekend. As someone who doesn’t even get sleepy until 2:00 a.m. (that’s 3:00 a.m. now) the idea of getting up an hour earlier just so I have a better chance of hearing the birds chirp is about as appealing as a dental root planing.

Oh yeah, we also get an extra hour of sunlight in the afternoon. Big whoop. It won’t be long until it is 95 degrees outside and humid. Sure as heck wouldn’t want to miss out on any of that!

What I don’t understand is why we call something “Standard Time” if we only get to enjoy it about four months out of the year? I mean, if we have to do something a certain way about two-thirds of the time (as god-awful as it is) isn’t that pretty much “standard.”

I realize there are way too many annoying people (read: morning people) wedded to DST to have any hope of getting rid of it, but maybe we could at least change the names so they make sense. I propose changing Savings Time to "Standard" (I’d prefer something profane, but I know that wouldn’t fly.) Then we could change Standard to "Blessed."

After all, we do get to have Blessed Time over the major holidays … giving us another reason why the Christmas season is the most wonderful time of the year.

Pride vs. Appreciation

It’s been a few days now since Michelle Obama told an adoring audience that her husband’s likely Democratic presidential nomination has finally given her a reason to be proud of her country.

There were many howls of surprised outrage from America’s conservatives — not that many of them genuine (shocked ... simply shocked and dismayed!). Face it, it’s not a big secret that the Left detests pretty much everything that has made the United States what it is: free markets, individualism, faith in God (or at least faith in something better than government bureaucracy) … etc. For people of this ilk, calling America the “Great Satan” would be libelous to Lucifer … if they actually believed in the Devil.

No, the protestations were aimed at getting the attention of the politically non-aligned Oba-maniacs who mistakenly believe the rigidly ultra-liberal, half-term Illinois senator is some kind of post-partisan messiah — ready to lead us all to the land of milk and honey. Obama is such a gifted snake-oil salesman that rather than attacking him directly, his ideological opponents are attempting to tar him with guilt by association instead. They eagerly point out that his wife isn’t proud of America, or that his church named Louis Farrakhan “Man of the Year.” (As I just did.)

But what about this “pride in one’s country” comment itself?

And if I ask myself if I’m proud of my country, I find the answer is complicated.

On one level, the easy answer is “yes.” I’m proud that America is first to respond to natural disasters wherever they occur around the globe. I’m proud that the only flag implanted on the moon is the Stars & Stripes. I’m proud that our nation rescued the world from the Axis powers. I’m proud that our comparatively limited government — for all of its frustrating short-comings — is a still the best on Earth. Honestly, this list is endless. I guess I’m most proud of the fact that we sincerely try to live up to our ideals.

But this pride is rather like how I feel when Auburn wins a big football game. And the similarity makes this concept of pride seem a bit shallow. So I wonder what “pride” actually means.

I think a better word is “appreciation.” And there’s a lot that must be taken into consideration when you fully appreciate something. What makes a proud moment possible?

A lot of it is individual effort — to the point of self sacrifice (like storming the beaches at Normandy or when the space shuttle Challenger exploded). Less spectacularly, Thomas Edison’s "90% perspiration, 10% inspiration" formula for success seems to sum things up pretty well.

Well, just so long as she's proud ...

I also appreciate that if you work hard and play by the rules, you will usually do okay in this country. I appreciate the freedom to think “unapproved” thoughts that leads to innovation. I especially appreciate that I don’t have to agree with other people just for the sake of agreeing.

In a nutshell, what I most appreciate about America is that it provides me with the opportunity to earn pride in myself.

And what troubles me most about an Obama presidency is that what he most wants to "change" is the very thing I appreciate most about this nation.

And I’m not ready to give that up just to make his wife proud.

"Oh My God! Look Out!"

The other day, I had a conversation with a client/business associate/friend (I have complicated professional arrangements) in which he expressed concern over the effects of a potentially worsening economy on our businesses.

My attitude was, and remains, fatalistic. But in an effort to be a bit more reassuring than “que sera, sera,” I pointed out that this is a campaign season and political candidates are naturally going to hype any bad economic news to their potential advantage. I also noted that the official requirement of recession is two consecutive quarters of a shrinking economy. We haven't even had one yet.

Mistaking my apathy for optimism, he hoped I was right but remained worried.

Though I didn’t bother going there in our discussion, I could have pointed out that the news media is never satisfied unless they have impending doom of one sort or another in the headlines. There would be a lot unemployed reporters in Heaven.

Actually, we are all fatalistic, and we have a word for people who aren’t. We call them “crazy” or perhaps use a fancy phrase like “obsessive-compulsive.” You know, like people who wash their hands constantly because of germs, or folks who won’t throw anything away because they may one day need it. Even those poor souls know they can’t deal with everything in the world that could turn out badly, so they focus on one specific potential problem to exert control upon. That way in an uncertain world, they head off at least one possible difficulty.

Have you ever stopped to think about everything that could go wrong in a typical day? Let’s assume you don’t die in your sleep due to a house fire, brain aneurism or meteor strike. What if your alarm clock fails to go off and you’re late to work? Maybe not the worst thing in the world, but such an occurrence could lead (directly or indirectly) to unemployment and financial ruin. It’s the old “for want of a nail … the war was lost,” scenario.

If the alarm does go off, you could slip getting out of the tub after your morning shower, hit your head on the lavatory and drown in the commode. You might be in a car accident in which your gas tank explodes and if you survive you might be horribly disfigured for the rest of your life.

Not related to any specific timeline, your spouse might fall in love with another person, leaving you emotionally devastated. Deadly cancer could strike friends, loved ones, or yourself. The tiniest scratch might open your body to invasion by flesh-eating bacteria.

The fact is, you don’t have to think hard to come up with something terrible that might possibly happen to you or someone you care about at every single moment of every single of day for the rest of your life.

Most of us don’t even think about it, not that it would do us any good if we did. We play the odds that the alarm will go off, that we can take a shower without incident or that we’ll make it to the neighborhood grocery store unharmed.

And that's just the direct threats. A worsening economy may or may not actually affect any particular individual. The worst recession during my lifetime was in the early 80s. The unemployment rate reached 10.8 percent. That means nearly nine out of 10 people still had jobs. As far as an actual “death toll,” there probably was one, but it was likely considerably less than the number of people killed in highway accidents over a Memorial Day weekend.

There is a lot of anxiety in this world. It’s because, as we travel down the highway of life, we all seem to have someone sitting next to us constantly screaming, “Oh my god! Look out!” Even if these shriekers don’t cause you to wreck, it’s all very nerve-wracking.

I believe in defensive driving. I keep my eye on the moron at the intersection who’s yakking on his cell phone, or the old lady with her turn signals blinking for miles on end (apparently preparing to make a left turn in the middle of the Howard Frankland Bridge). I see the person coming up behind me at 70 mph in a 40 mile an hour zone (and dutifully speed up to keep him from passing). But those are all threats that I can see.

What I’m not going to do is worry about the drunk driver who may or may not be coming over the hill, or the 10 year-old who may or may not have decided to take the family car out for a joyride. That’s what safety belts and airbags are for.

Do I have the necessary “safety equipment” to deal with loss of income that might result from a bad economy? Nope. But lacking the means, wit or ambition to acquire such protection, I choose not to worry about it.

Like 99.9 percent of the time (or more), chances are I’ll be okay.

Which is worse? An ox in the ditch or the Tribulation?

Over the holidays, I watched several “apocalyptic” movies on the Trinity Broadcast Network. There was the second one from the Left Behind series, two films from another storyline dealing with rule of the Ant-Christ, and what appeared be the first movie in yet another series.

It’s always hit and miss with TBN as to when they air anything, and I don’t click my remote control up that way very often, so there’s no telling when or if I’ll ever see the parts I’m missing.

I spent much of the movies wondering if some of the actors were just earning a payday, or if they were actually committed Christians making a statement. I know Left Behind’s Kirk Cameron (formerly of Growing Pains) is an outspoken Christian, but other stars included Brad Johnson (Always), Margo Kidder (Superman), Mr. T (The A-Team), Corbin Bernsen (L.A. Law), Howie Mandel (Deal or No Deal)and Gary Bussey (The Buddy Holly Story). Actually, I thought the best of the three series was one which had no “big name” stars at all.

“End of days” movies seem to be very popular — at least with a big chunk of the church-going public. I can see why. (I watched them myself, after all.) I like knowing who the good guys are, and I enjoy hearing my point of view expressed in a film even if it does come from a fictional script.

But I also think maybe there’s some strange pleasure in imagining ourselves in the place of Christians during the Tribulation. All the gray areas we deal with in our lives would suddenly be black and white. I mean, it’s relatively easy to refuse the mark of the Beast if you’ve witnessed the miracle of the Rapture and all the prophecies of The Revelation are unfolding before your eyes. There wouldn’t be any question or confusion anymore about what’s important. You know you’ve only got seven years to hang in there for God (or fewer if the Anti-Christ gets hold of you) and you’re done. Sainthood will be assured.

It’s not that easy when you’re dealing with house payments, work, friends and family and all the other things that distract us from living the way God wants us to. In a way, we all have ADD, and it’s remarkably easy to forget God is even there. Even when we remember, we may have a hard time figuring out what God’s plan is. We can’t all be missionaries … some of us will have to grow food if nothing else.

I think Jesus acknowledged that the temporal world does intrude on strictly focusing on God’s playbook.

And He answered them saying, “Which of you, having a donkey or an ox that has fallen into a pit, will not immediately pull him out on the Sabbath day?”
Luke 14:5

That was after Jesus was getting some flack or healing people on the Sabbath, so I take it to mean, sometimes we have to take care of business. Of course, this doesn’t help with the problem of figuring out when it's okay to be concerned with the problems in this world..

Maybe we can take some comfort in some verses a little further down.

“When you are invited to a wedding feast, do not sit down in the best place, lest one more honorable than you be invited … go and sit down in the lowest place , so that when he who invited you comes, he may say to you, ‘Friend go up higher.’ Then you will have glory in the presence of those who sit at the table with you.”
Luke 14: 8 -- 10

Perhaps we can’t really expect to know where we are in the “honored” department. The important thing is to be invited to the party, humbly take a seat and wait and see how we did.